Embracing Influence
If we told you that failing to do just one simple thing would result in a better than 80% chance of the decline of your marriage, what would you say? Hopefully, you would want to know what that one thing is so that you could do a lot of it and do it well.
This month we’ll be thinking about how much influence you allow your spouse to have in your life. People with great marriages welcome the many ways their spouse can influence their thoughts, values, feelings and decisions. They have learned to depend on the input of their spouse across a wide spectrum of life’s issues and find that it deepens and stretches their daily experiences. On the other hand, people who resist the influence of their spouse experience marriage more as a disappointing struggle. And yes, studies show that a staggering 81% of the time, these relationships fail to survive.
There are many areas of a relationship which are sweetened and enriched with influence and we want you to pursue the breadth of these during the next month. Your challenge may prove to be hard work but it also holds tremendous potential.
Blessings! Pastor Bill & Melanie
Personal Observations
We begin with an individual project. Grab some alone-time to think through the following questions, taking notes for use in your couple conversations. (Before you get started we should also note that studies reveal a significant gender imbalance on this subject. It’s not universal but woman, as a whole, have a far easier time accepting influence from others. Men, more often struggle. So ladies, stay patient. And men, you need to take a hard and careful look at this one.)
1. Who has influence in your life? How does it happen? List a few people with whom you have influence. How can you tell that you are influencing them?
2. Describe the various ways your spouse accepts influence from you?
3. What factors go into your spouse’s willingness to receiving influence from you? What factors can create resistance?
4. Now answer questions 2 and 3 in the other direction—how much influence do you allow or seek?
5. Take a few days to think and pray about what you have noted above.
Couple Conversations: Understanding Influence
Begin a conversation about the concept of influence. When you sit down to discuss these questions, begin with prayer, seeking the influence of God’s wisdom and grace in your time together.
1. Share with each other what it looks like when others give you a sense that you have an influential place in their lives? How does this positively impact your relationship with those individuals?
2. What forms can influence take in a relationship?
3. Does influence have to equal complete agreement or conformity? How can one enjoy the benefits of having influence in someone’s life, even when they make a choice you would not have made?
Couple Conversations: Influence In Our Marriage
Begin a conversation about influence in your marriage. When you sit down to discuss these questions, begin with prayer, seeking the influence of God’s wisdom and grace in your time together.
1. Take turns comparing your self-evaluations from Part One. Do your evaluations agree? What can you learn from the places your observations differ?
2. Consider asking each other to open up just one area of life to a little more influence. Discuss what this would and wouldn’t look like. Also, talk about what it would mean to you personally to have this opportunity.
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