May Challenge

Inviting God In
The plain truth is that, for many years after we were married, we struggled to pray together. Sure, we prayed now and then but there wasn’t much consistency. During our seven years in Bible college and seminary this fact often felt embarrassing. It wasn’t until years later while counseling another couple that we had a break through. In the hope of helping them we created a little contest—the couple who would pray together the most days over a three week span would win lunch. We ended up getting a bigger prize than lunch. We prayed every day for three weeks, and haven’t missed more than a few days in the 15 or so years since.

Of course, there a hundred good spiritual reasons to pray together as a married couple. We’re hoping that the regular teaching you receive at Gateway has convinced you that prayer is important and valuable. While prayer should not be treated as a marriage enrichment strategy, it is an opportunity to invite God more fully into your marriage. And that can only be a good thing.

We know what it’s like to be a couple who is a little ashamed about how little we pray together. We also know what it’s like to find consistency and yet hope for something even a little deeper. This month we have tried to offer a little something for everyone.

 Blessings! Pastor Bill and Melanie

When Your Spouse Is Uninterested In Prayer 
The idea of investing in your marriage without your spouse’s participation is definitely tough. But prayer is an area where you are never alone. God would not have you give up praying for your spouse or your relationship. Here are few ideas for those of you whose spouse is not interested in praying with you:

• Find a prayer partner who will specifically and regularly pray with you for your spouse and your marriage. And because prayer is intimate, be careful how much you pray with anyone of the opposite sex—ladies, your prayer partner needs to be another woman, gentlemen, you need to pray with men. 
• Ask your spouse to consider spending some time with you while you pray (maybe 1 x a month?). Explain the meaning and importance of prayer to him or her. Express that silence is fine because his or her presence is the most significant thing to you. It might prove helpful to compare this to asking your spouse to come with you for an important conversation you are going to have with a family member, doctor or counselor. 
• For further encouragement you might try reading the book, “The Power of a Praying Wife” or “The Power of a Praying Husband.”

When You Are Both Willing To Pray - But It Rarely Happens

If you have never quite developed the discipline of praying together as a couple the good news is that you are not alone. It can be hard for many couples. The better news is that you really could change that this month. Here are a few ideas to help you find that elusive breakthrough in consistency: 

• Identify what has made it hard for each of you and discuss these factors as a couple. 
• Remove any unnecessary expectations that have kept you from praying. For example, agree that silence counts or that it’s ok if only one of you ends up praying out loud. You might also remove time expectations—whether you pray for 1 minute or 20, it’s a win. Setting simpler expectations may make it easier for you to be successful at developing initial consistency. 
• Commit to the commonly accepted rule of establishing a new habit. Agree to pray together every day for 21 days no matter what. If you can make it to day 21, you are likely to just keep going. 
• Enter a reward challenge with another couple or promise yourselves a reward if you can reach the goal you have set for yourselves.

When You Already Pray Together Regularly
This month we encourage you to simply enjoy and possibly enrich your prayer life as a couple: 

• Evaluate your current routine of praying as a couple. Discuss a few areas where you might like to enrich your prayer life a bit more (for example: more time, broader subject matter, include scripture reading, adopting a joint prayer objective such as praying for missionary friends or someone in your Oikos.) 
• Last month Pastor Bob taught about the discipline of solitude with God. As you continue to pursue that practice you might plan a time when you can each spend some alone time with God followed immediately by a prayer time together. 
• Develop and enrich your Day 1 activities by sharing some of them together as a couple. 
• Without diminishing your current discipline, add a single, high-value prayer time that is out of your routine. Occasionally offer to God a bit of the time you view as your most cherished couple time by using it for prayer.