This month your challenge is to complete a personal project to increase the level to which you internally admire your spouse and externally communicate that positive viewpoint. Let’s face it, you are married to an amazing person and you should admire him or her. Some of you may be thinking, “how can you say that in such an open-ended way to a large audience?” Easy! Because admiring a person should not be based on perfection or even, in large part, on performance. Of course we know that your spouse is flawed. But that should not hold you back on this assignment. You’ll see what we mean as you go along. Admiring one’s spouse is a foundational building block of marriage and therefore instrumental in achieving all that you hope for in your relationship. This month’s challenge is vitally important to you!
Blessings! Pastor Bill & Melanie
Note: If your spouse is reluctant to participate in The Marriage Initiative we encourage you to complete this month’s individual project anyway. You may not be able to make some things happen in your marriage but you do have influence. Many times we have witnessed these concepts powerfully create a remarkable change in the atmosphere of a marriage.
Blessings! Pastor Bill & Melanie
Note: If your spouse is reluctant to participate in The Marriage Initiative we encourage you to complete this month’s individual project anyway. You may not be able to make some things happen in your marriage but you do have influence. Many times we have witnessed these concepts powerfully create a remarkable change in the atmosphere of a marriage.
Part One: Bible Study and Prayer
In Part One you will be seeking to enrich your understanding of how God values your spouse.
1. Study each of the following scriptures and write a 1-2 sentence summary of what the passage teaches you about the person to whom you are married:
a) Genesis 1:26-27 b) Psalm 139:13-16 c) Psalm 103:13-16
d) Zechariah 10:1 & Matthew 5:45b e) John 7:37 & Matthew 11:28
2. If your spouse is a Christ-follower, repeat the process for these additional scriptures:
a) Matthew 5:14 b) Romans 8:17 c) II Corinthians 5:17
d) I Peter 2:9-10 e) I John 3:1-2
3. When you have completed your study of the passages above, pray for your spouse once-a-day for a week around the themes you discovered. Focus especially on prayers of thanksgiving and blessing.
Part Two: Personal Interviews
In part two, the goal is to gain a richer understanding of the value of your spouse through the perspective of others.
1. Begin by asking three of your spouse’s friends what they admire most about him or her. These can be brief interactions. Your goal is simply to learn something about your spouse through the perspective of others.
2. If old enough, ask your children what they love most about their mom or dad.
3. Ask your spouse to describe some thing(s) he/she likes about himself/herself.
4. Write a summary paragraph about what you have learned about your spouse in Parts One and Two.
Part Three: Put It Into Words
1. When we truly admire someone it tends to come out in three positive ways: messages of appreciation, affection or respect. All three are needed in a healthy marriage. Begin Part Three by asking your spouse this question: “Of the next 100 positive messages you receive, how many would you want to be messages of appreciation? how many of affection? how many of respect?” The answer should total 100.
2. Evaluate the ways you communicate to your spouse, looking to see which of these three kinds of messages receive a healthy amount of attention and which might be lacking. How does this compare to the kinds of messages your spouse reported needing the most in step one?
3. How can you take what you have learned about your spouse this month and turn it into regular messages of appreciation, affection and respect. Write a summary of your convictions and commitments to foster a culture of admiration within your marriage.
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